O‘Smir Bilan Ochiq Suhbat (Josh va Dotti Makdauell) 30 bob

Kitob O'zbek tilida (Audiokitob) - Josh va Dotti Makdauell. O‘Smir Bilan Ochiq Suhbat.

Китоб PDF | Kitob PDF (latin)

Книга на Узбекском языке

30 bob - Farzandi bilan jinsiy aloqa haqida gaplashadigan dono ota-ona bo‘lishning oltita usuli

Zamonaviy dunyoda yoshlarni jinsiy aloqa bosimiga qarshi tura oladigan qilib tarbiyalash oson emas. Mazkur kitobda biz buni qanday bajarish yuzasidan sizga bir qancha maslahat va yo‘nalishlarni taklif etdik, umid qilamizki, siz ularni foydali deya hisoblaysiz. Kitobning birinchi qismida qayd etilganidek, bu o‘rinda asosiy omil yaqin munosabatlar hisoblanadi. Siz qay tarzda bolalaringiz bilan muloqotda bo‘lsangiz, muloqot uchun sababning o‘zi ham xuddi shunday, ehtimol, undan ham ko‘proq muhimdir. Va biz birgalikda bosib o‘tgan yo‘lning yakunlovchi bosqichida bolalarini Xudoning rejasiga muvofiq tarzda jinsiy aloqadan rohatlanishga tayyorlaydigan yanada dono va nufuzli ota-ona bo‘lishingizning oltita usulini taklif etmoqchimiz.

O‘zimiz ham ota-ona sifatida mazkur oltita usul oilamiz uchun chindan ham qo‘l kelganini, shuningdek, o‘z tajribamizdan kelib chiqqan holda, boshqa oilalarga ham yordam berishi mumkinligini aytmoqchimiz.

1. Farzandlaringiz doimo o‘z savollari bilan oldingizga kelishlari mumkin bo‘lgan ota-ona bo‘ling

Qanchalik yoqimsiz tuyulmasin, bolalarning har qanday savoliga va har birini yetarlicha muhim hisoblagan holda javob berishimga tayyor turishimiz kerak. Bolalar so‘rab turgan paytlarida biz ustozlik qilish holatida bo‘lamiz. Asosiysi - nimaiki eshitmaylik xotirjamlik hamda vazminlik bilan to‘g‘ri va ochiq javob berishimiz kerak.

Bir misol keltiraman. Qizimiz Keti o‘n uch yoshda bo‘lganida, men (Josh) uni va dugonasi Sarani tog‘ sayriga olib bordim. Mashinaning orqa tarafni ko‘rsatadigan ko‘zgusi orqali qizlar o‘zaro shivirlashayotganiga, menga savolomuz boqib, yana shivirlay boshlashganiga ko‘zim tushdi. Ularning xayolida qandaydir bir “tegajoqlik” borligi aniq edi.

Shunaqa bo‘ldi ham: Keti oxir-oqibat old o‘rindiqqa o‘tirib oldi, Sara esa bizni yaxshiroq eshitish uchun old o‘rindiqlar orasiga boshini tiqdi va shunda suhbat boshlandi: “Ota, mening savolim bor. Shunchaki, arzimas bir gap...” Men darhol tushundim: masala jiddiy. “Ota, oral jinsiy aloqa nima o‘zi?” Sal bo‘lmasa mashinam yo‘ldan chiqib ketayozdi! Sakkizinchi sinf o‘quvchisining gapiga qarang! Men esankirab qolgandim, ammo buni bildirmaslikka urindim va shama qilmasdan hammasini ochiq aytib berdim. Gapimni tugatganimda, qizim hayqirib yubordi: “Jirkanchli-ku!” va orqa o‘rindiqdagi dugonasining oldiga o‘tib oldi.

Sara o‘sha oqshomdayoq gaplarimni onasiga aytishi mumkinligini tushunganim bois, hazilakam tashvishga tushmadim. Uyga qaytgach, birinchi navbatda bo‘lgan voqeani Dottiga aytdim, so‘ngra Saraning onasiga qo‘ng‘iroq qilib, suhbatimiz qanday boshlanganini va men aynan nima deb javob berganimni aytdim. Narigi telefon go‘shagidan uzoq vaqt javob kelmadi, men esa xayolan faryod qildim: “O yo‘q! Bu masalaga begona bolani tortish kerak emas edi!” So‘ngra baland ovozda nafas chiqarish eshitildi va hamsuhbatim shunday dedi: “Ular aynan sizga murojaat qilishgani uchun Xudoga shukur bo‘lsin!”

Bolalar hamisha savol bilan murojaat qilishlari mumkin bo‘lgan ota-ona bo‘ling. Bolangiz har qanday vaqtda siz bilan xohlagan mavzuda gaplashishi mumkinligini bilib qo‘ysin. Hatto uning savoli sizni noqulay ahvolga tushirib qo‘ysa ham, buni bolangizdan yashirishga harakat qiling. Mabodo u sizning taajjubga tushganingizni sezib qolsa, xavfli mavzuga yondashganligi haqidagi fikrlarga borishi mumkin. Agar siz uning barcha savollari uchun ochiq ekanligingizni tushuntira olsangiz, Xudo jinsiy aloqani qanday maqsadda yaratgan bo‘lsa, uning qarshisida qadamba-qadam ana o‘sha olamni ko‘rsatib beradigan birinchi ustozlar bo‘lishdek ajoyib imkoniyatga ega bo‘lasiz.

2. Tinglashni biladigan ota-ona bo‘ling

Biz farzandlarimizni diqqat bilan eshitganimizda, bu bilan ularning o‘zlari va aytayotgan gaplari bizga qanchalik muhim ekanini ko‘rsatgan bo‘lamiz. Agar siz tinglashni bilmasangiz - har qanday savol uchun ochiq bo‘lishdan ma’no kam.

Yaxshi tinglovchilik mahoratini ko‘rsatmoq uchun, ayni damda  mashg‘ul bo‘lgan ishingizni to‘xtatib, bolaga e’tibor qaratishga urining. Albatta, doim ham bunday qilib bo‘lmaydi, lekin uddasidan chiqsangiz, shu orqali bolani diqqat bilan eshitishga tayyorligingizni va uning aytmoqchi bo‘layotgan gaplari chindan ham siz uchun muhim ekanligi haqida ishora qilgan bo‘lasiz.

Ko‘plab ota-onalar yaxshi tinglovchi bo‘lishni istashlari, lekin bolalari ular bilan kam gaplashishlari haqida shikoyat qilishadi. Bunday vaziyatlarda ularni gapga solish uchun savollar berish kerak. Bolaga savol bergan holda, siz ...

• unga bo‘lgan hurmatingizni namoyon etasiz va uning fikrlari siz uchun qimmatli ekanligini ko‘rsatasiz.

• suhbat mavzusiga oid ko‘p narsalar unga ma’lum yoki noma’lum ekanligini aniqlang.

• uning bilimlari hayotiylikka qanchalik muvofiq ekanligini aniqlang.

• alohida fikrlarni yoki suhbat mavzusini aniqlab oling.

• javob uchun so‘z tanlayotganingizda vaqtdan yuting.

• bolaning u yoki bu ma’lumotlarni qabul qilishga tayyorligini baholash imkoniyatlarini qo‘lga kiriting.

Quyida biz bola bilan suhbatlashishda sizga yordam berishi mumkin bo‘lgan ayrim odatiy savollarni keltirib o‘tamiz.

1. Sen Internetda o‘zing noqulaylik his qilgan yoki senda qiziqish o‘tini yoqqan biror nimani ko‘rdingmi?

2. Bu qanday yuz berdi? Sen bunda nimani his qilding?

3. Do‘stlaringdan kimdir tasodifan yoki atayin pornografik rolik tomosha qilganmi?

4. Sen ... haqida qanday fikrdasan?

5. Sen ... haqida nimalarni eshitgansan?

6. Iltimos, ... haqida nimalarni bilishingni aytib berasanmi?

Bu kabi oddiy savollar bolangiz bilan suhbat boshlashingizga yordam beradi, shundan so‘ng esa siz yaxshi tinglovchilik mahoratingizni ko‘rsatishingiz mumkin.

3. E’tiqodli ota-ona bo‘ling

Biz avval 4-bobda yozganimizdek, munosabatlar - bu barakatli negiz bo‘lib, undan hosil bo‘lgan ishonch o‘z navbatida o‘smirlarda qadriyatlar shakllanishiga ta’sir ko‘rsatadi va ularning harakatlarini belgilab beradi. Bolalar o‘z qadriyatlari asosida hirsiy mayllarini qondirish yo‘lidagi harakatlarni qilishadi, vaholanki dastlab ular bu qadriyatlar to‘plamini sizdan o‘zlashtirgan bo‘lishadi. Mana nima uchun siz Muqaddas Kitob beradigan g‘oyalarga mustahkam ishonadigan ota-onalar bo‘lishingiz kerak.

Qadriyatlarning o‘zi nima? Bu qarorlarimiz, munosabatlar va harakatlar asosida yotadigan haqiqatlarni shaxsan qabul qilmoq demakdir. Siz ota-ona sifatida nafaqat mas’uliyatlisiz, balki o‘z qadriyatlaringizni bolangizga uzatish uchun juda yaxshi imkoniyatlarga egasiz.

Bir tadqiqot natijalariga ko‘ra, “26% o‘smirlar o‘zlarining jinsiy aloqa bilan mashg‘ul emasliklarining asosiy sababi imon va ahloqiy qadriyatlar bilan bog‘liq ekanligini bildirishgan”1.

Glenn Stenton “O‘zini tiyishning eng samarali omili” maqolasida ota-onalar farzandlariga qanday qadriyatlarni berishi muhimligini qayd etadi:

Ota-onalarning o‘smirlardagi jinsiy harakatlarga beparvoligi o‘g‘il bolalar uchun ham, qizlar uchun ham bu boradagi tavakkalchilikda kuchli omilga aylanadi. Ota-onalari ularning nikohgacha bo‘ladigan jinsiy aloqalariga qarshi emasligiga ishonadigan o‘smirlarning jinsiy aloqani barvaqt boshlashga moyilliklari ajablanarli emas2.

Reprezentativ milliy so‘rov natijalariga ko‘ra, 64% o‘smirlar ahloqiy qadriyatlar ularning hirsiy harakatlariga reproduktiv salomatlik borasidagi axborot xizmatidan kam ta’sir qilmasligini bildirishgan, ayni vaqtda o‘smirlarning deyarli to‘rtdan bir qismi (23%) ahloqiy qadriyatlar hatto yanada muhim omil ekanligini aytishgan3.

Sizda jinsiy aloqaga nisbatan jamlangan asosiy qadriyatlar ro‘yxatini tuzish uchun vaqtingizni ayamang. Mabodo siz quyidagi savollarga yozma javob bersangiz, bu sizga yordam berishi mumkin:

1. Jinsiy aloqa masalasida mening nuqtai nazarim aynan qanday va ulardan qaysilarini farzandimga yetkazishni istayman?

2. Nega men buni haqiqat deya hisoblayman?

3. Bu mening hayotimga qanday ta’sir ko‘rsatgan?

4. Bu farzandim hayotiga qanday ta’sir ko‘rsatishi mumkin?

Quyida keltirilgan qadriyatlar ro‘yxati ustida mulohaza yuritib ko‘rishingizni tavsiya etamiz. Balki u sizni va oila a’zolaringizni o‘zlarida shaxsiy fikrlar paydo bo‘lishiga ruhlantirar.

• jinsiy aloqa nikoh uchun belgilangan

• Xudo sevgidir

• farzandlar - Xudoning in’omi

• bir-biringizni seving

• biz Xudoga monand va o‘xshash qilib yaratilganmiz

• narsalarni emas, odamlarni sevish kerak

• do‘stlik

• hurmat

• sadoqat

• qadr-qimmat

• poklik

• halollik

• vafo

• ishonch

• Muqaddas Kitob - bu ilohiy haqiqat

• jinsiy aloqa ajoyib

• homiladorlik

• hatti-harakat

• nikoh

• tanishuv, mulozamat

• izzat-ikrom

• kiyinish madaniyatimiz

• to‘y

Asosiy qadriyatlaringizni aniqlab olgach, tabiiy ravishda va xiralik qilmagan holda ularni farzandingizga yetkazish uchun vaqt toping.

4. Farzandlarining do‘stlari bilan o‘rtoqlashadigan ota-ona bo‘ling

Oqshom soat besh yarimda mehmonlar uyimizga kela boshlashdi. Men (Dotti) o‘shanda yetti yoshda edim va do‘stu dugonalarimni kechki ovqatga taklif etish uchun o‘zimda jasorat topgandim. Yagona muammo shunda ediki, men bu haqda onamni ogohlantirishni unutib qo‘ygandim. Ammo onam menga jahl qilib, bolalarni o‘z uylariga jo‘natib yuborish o‘rniga ishtiyoq bilan dasturxon tuzashga kirishdi va bodom pecheneli bir qancha qutilarni, shirin obakidandonlar joylangan tunuka idishni va mevali konservalarni chiqarib qo‘ydi.  Bu bizning oziq-ovqat javonidagi bor narsalarimiz edi, lekin biz a’lo darajadagi bayramni o‘tkazdik!  Onam o‘z odatiga ko‘ra farzandining oldiga kelgan har bir bolaga e’tibor qaratishni o‘z oldiga maqsad qilib qo‘yardi. U har bir bolaga o‘zini aziz va o‘ziga xos mehmon ekanligini his qilishiga imkon berardi. Onam o‘zining kundalik rejalari qandayligidan qat’iy nazar, barcha do‘stlarimning hayoti haqida suhbat qilardi, bu esa men kabi ularning ham kelgusi taqdiriga katta ta’sir o‘tkazgan. Bundan tashqari, onam do‘stlarimning sevimli insoni va qahramoniga aylangan.

O‘z bolaligingizni eslab ko‘ring. Kimning ota-onasi boshqalarnikidan ko‘ra ko‘proq sizga yoqardi? Nima uchun? Ular sizga qanday ta’sir o‘tkazishgan?

Menga ta’sir ko‘rsatgan ikkita ibrat xotiramda alohida saqlanib qolgan: bittasi salbiy va ikkinchisi anchayin ijobiy.

Bolaligimda bir yaqin dugonam bo‘lardi. Biz birinchi sinfdan toki yettinchi sinfgacha yaqin munosabatda bo‘lganmiz. Biz birgalikda skaut-qizlar guruhida bo‘lganmiz, birgalikda tayoq bilan jonglyorlik qilish sabog‘ini olganmiz, cho‘milishga borganmiz, tikuv saboqlariga qatnaganmiz va h.k.z. Yettinchi sinfdan so‘ng men boshqa shtatga ko‘chib ketdim, lekin to‘qqizinchi sinfda o‘qiyotganimda uni ko‘rish uchun oldiga keldim.

Yillik ayriliqlardan so‘ng uning uyi ostonasiga qarab yugurganimni juda yaxshi eslayman. Men uni yana ko‘raman deb umid qilmagandim. Eshikni uning onasi ochdi. Dugonam uyga hali qaytmagan ekan, bir necha daqiqa kutishimga to‘g‘ri keldi. Suhbatimiz qay tarzda boshlangani unchalik yodimda yo‘q, lekin keyinchalik men bu yerda bo‘lmagan o‘tgan yillar mobaynida  dugonam qanday yashaganligini so‘radim. Uy bekasi dugonamda hammasi yaxshi ekanligini aytdi va eri ikkoviga qizlari “hayotda ilk bora” uyga dugonalarini olib kelganida xursand bo‘lishganini to‘satdan qo‘shimcha qildi. Ayol qizining dugonalarini “hech qachon” yoqtirishmaganini ta’kidladi, ammo endi nihoyat hammasi o‘zgaribdi.

Bu so‘zlar meni hayratda qoldirdi. Taajjub va xafachilikdan yerga kirib ketgudek bo‘ldim. Men roppa-rosa yetti yil ularning uyiga mehmon bo‘lib kelib turgandim! Ayol nega bunday deganini aslo tushunmadim! Ammo bu azobli va haqoratli edi. Hozirgacha u ayol haqida o‘ylasam, o‘sha so‘zlar yodimga tushaveradi. Men shuncha yillar mobaynida ularning uyiga kelib turganimda nima qilganim va nega bunday qattiq jazo uchraganim haqida tez-tez o‘zimga savol beraman.

Boshqa taraflama esa, qo‘shni dugonamning onasi meni juda yaxshi ko‘rardi. Bunga shubha qilishimga to‘g‘ri kelmagan! Yodimda, men chechyotka raqsini ijro etmoqchi bo‘lganimda, shu dugonamning onasi sochimni jingalak qilish uchun uyimizga kelgandi, so‘ngra esa o‘z oilasi bilan konsertda bo‘lib, hattoki mening chiqishimni suratga olgan. Bu ayol haqida o‘ylayotganimda, hamisha uning huzurida o‘zimni o‘zgacha bir inson his qilganimni, uylariga borganimda qanday jo‘shqinlik bilan hayratini ifoda etganini eslayman. Mana bu haqiqiy qarama-qarshilik!

Farzandingizning do‘stlari hatto yillar o‘tganidan keyin ham sizni ana shu tarzda yodga olishlarini istaysizmi? Eng yuqori darajada ijobiy tahsir ko‘rsatishga qaror qilib, ularning hayotida ishtirok eting. Shunday yo‘l tutib, siz ...

• bolangizga muhim bo‘lgan odamlar siz uchun ham muhim ekanligi haqida tushuncha berasiz.

• bolangiz hozirda qanday ta’sir ostida ekanligini yaxshiroq bilib olasiz.

• o‘zingizni shunday holatga keltirasizki, bolangiz va uning do‘stlari siz bilan muloqot qilishni va fikrlaringizga quloq solishni istab qolishadi, bu esa bolangizga tengdoshlari o‘tkazadigan salbiy ta’sirni kamaytiradi.

Bir vaqtlar kichik qizimiz Xizer men (Josh) tanimagan bir yigit bilan beysbol o‘yiniga bormoqchi bo‘ldi. Unga o‘z xavotirimni aytganimda, shu zahotiyoq javob eshitildi: “Ota, xotirjam bo‘ling. U sizni shunchalik hurmat qiladiki, sizga yoqmaydigan hech nima qilmaydi”.

Farzandingiz davrasidagilar uchun qahramon bo‘ling. Bunday maqomga erishish uchun alohida bir harakatlar ko‘pincha talab qilinmaydi, zero aksariyat o‘smirlar do‘stlarining ota-onalari tomonidan o‘zlariga nisbatan e’tiborni umuman kutishmaydi. Men (Josh) o‘g‘limiz yoki qizimiz mehmonga taklif etgan bolalar bilan gaplashish uchun hamisha imkon topardim. Men shunchaki o‘zimni tanishtirib va birgalikda qanchadir vaqt o‘tkazib, ularning kimligi va nimaga qiziqishlariga befarq emasligimni, uyimga kelganlaridan juda xursand bo‘lganimni namoyon etardim.

Bundan tashqari, bolalarim qatnashadigan sport to‘garaklariga alohida e’tibor qaratardim. Men quvonch bilan ularga muxlislik qilardim va hatto amaliy maslahatlar ham berganman, albatta, sportning o‘sha turi bo‘yicha tajribam bo‘lsa agar. “Qahramon” maqomi farzandlaringizga ham, shuningdek, ularning do‘stlari bilan munosabatlaringizga ham to‘g‘ridan-to‘g‘ri ta’sir ko‘rsatadi.

5. Boshqa ota-onalar bilan muloqot qiladigan ota-ona bo‘ling.

Boshqa ota-onalar bilan muloqotda bo‘lish sizga ularning bilganlarini o‘zlashtirib olishingizga yordam beradi. O‘xshash manfaatlar, tajriba va maqsadga ega bo‘lgan hamfikrlar bilan o‘zaro harakat qilsangiz, siz farzandingizni qanday tarbiyalash haqida ko‘plab qimmatli maslahatlar olishingiz mumkin. Odatda, eng yaxshi amaliy bilimlar va fikrlar sizning farzandingiz bilan tengdosh, biroz yoshi kattaroq yoxud balog‘atga yetgan farzandlari bo‘lgan ota-onalar tomonidan bildiriladi. Ularning oilasi - tarbiyaga oid fikrlar, ta’lim anjomlari, sport va ko‘ngilochar tadbirlar bo‘yicha takliflar, shuningdek, tartib-intizom, salomatlik va jinsiy aloqa mavzusini yoritish muammolari borasida ajoyib manbadir.

Men (Dotti) ilk bora ona bo‘lganimda, yaqin dugonalarimning birida allaqachon beshta farzand bor edi. U ajoyib ona bo‘lgan. Men uning har bir qadamini kuzatganman. Men unga turmushimdagi har bir yangi bosqichda maslahat so‘rab murojaat qilardim. Dugonam men uchun bitmas-tuganmas ko‘mak manbaiga aylangandi. Aynan u nima muhim va nima ahamiyatsiz ekanligini anglatgan. Men shu kungacha undan beqiyos minnatdorman! Ishonch, tahsin va hurmatga munosib boshqa bir ota-onalarni topish - bu qimmatbaho xazinani qidirishga o‘xshaydi.

Bundan tashqari, siz bilan hamkorlik qilishni istaydigan bir qancha tashkilotlar chiqib qolishi mumkin. Maktab yoshigacha bo‘lgan bolalari bor onalarga “MOPS International”ni tavsiya qilaman. Ularning manzili - MOPS.com. Ularning maqsadi - onalarning va kichik bolalarning ona qornidagi vaqtidan toki maktabga borish davrigacha bo‘ladigan ehtiyojlarini qondirish. Qizlarimizdan uchtasi mazkur saytni o‘zlari uchun o‘ta foydali deya hisoblashgan.

Kichik qizim esa onalar va go‘daklar uchun “Stroller Strides” (strollerstrides. som.) fitnes-dasturini tavsiya etadi. Boshqa ota-onalar bilan uchrashish, shuningdek, quvnoq va xavfsiz sharoitda jismoniy tarbiya va sport bilan shug‘ullanish uchun joy izlaydigan ota-onalar - qizlarimizga ona bo‘lishganida  katta shodlik keltirgan guruhlar - “The Little Gym” (www. littegym org) va  “Mommy and Me” (www. mommyandme.som) ga murojaat qilishlari mumkin.

Yana bir ajoyib manba - “Moms in Prayer International” (avval “Mons In Touch” (Momsintouch org)) nomli tashkilot hisoblanadi. Uning vazifasi onalar ibodatini birlashtirgan holda Iso Masihning ta’sirini butun dunyodagi maktablarga va bolalarga yoyishdan iboratdir.

Bizning qat’iy ishonchimizga ko‘ra, yakka jangchi maydonda g‘alaba qozona olmaydi, shu bois o‘xshash qadriyatlarga ega bo‘lgan ota-onalar bilan munosabatlar sizda yangi g‘oyalar olovini yoqib, samarali uslublarni baham ko‘rish (ayniqsa jinsiy aloqa mavzusini yoritish) borasida foydali bo‘lishi mumkin. Keling, haqiqatning ko‘ziga tik qaraylik. Bolalar bilan jinsiy aloqa to‘g‘risida gaplashmoq uchun alohida bir jasorat kerak. Biz bu haqdagi fikrning o‘zidanoq titrab, aynan nimani va qanaqa so‘zlar bilan gapirish kerakligini so‘ramagan birorta ham ota-onani hali uchratmadik. Mana nima uchun muloqot qilish bag‘oyat muhim.

6. Farzandlari bilan birga vaqt o‘tkazishni orzu qiladigan ota-ona bo‘ling

Bolalar salomatligi va tarbiyasi mavzusida qalam tebratadigan Laura Flinn Makkarti “Family Circle” jurnalida chop etilgan maqolasida eslatib o‘tadi: “O‘zlarini muvaffaqiyatli kelajak kutayotganiga ishonadigan bolalar rejasiz homiladorlik masalasiga boshqalardan ko‘ra oqilona yondashadilar... Umid - ajoyib himoya vositasi”4.

Xudo Isroil o‘g‘illariga aytgan:  “...Men sizlar to‘g‘ringizda tuzgan rejalarimni bilaman, - deb aytmoqda Egamiz. - Bu rejalarim sizlarga kulfat emas, farovonlik olib keladi, yorug‘ kelajagu umid beradi” (Yeremiyo 29:11). Xudo O‘z xalqi uchun qahramon bo‘lgan. O‘zlarini o‘ziga xos xalq deya his qilgan isroilliklar Uning yuksak umidlarini oqlashga intilishgan.

Biz bolalarimiz uchun qahramon bo‘lsak va orzu qilishga o‘rgatsak, bu ularni ruhlantiradi va oxir-oqibat ular ham bizning umidlarimizni oqlashni istab qolishadi. Shoh Sulaymon aytgan: “Ro‘yobga chiqmagan umid yurakni ezadi, ushalgan orzu esa hayot daraxti kabidir” (Hikmatlar 13:12).

Bolalikda mening (Dottining) sevimli qahramonim Piter Pen bo‘lgan. Uning tarixi - o‘smay qolgan bola haqidagi ajoyib ertak. Bu voqeadagi hayratomuz holatlardan biri shundan iboratki, Piter uchishni biladi. Kitobda - yodingizda borligiga ishonaman - bir jozibali personaj bor: jajjigina pari Din-Din.  U hayratomuz qobiliyatga ega - pari kimni sehrli zarrachalarga ko‘msa, o‘sha ham Piter Pen kabi uchishi mumkin.

Bu haqda o‘qib yuragim muzlab ketayozgan. Ertak mening bolalik tasavvurlarimni to‘lig‘icha qamrab olgan, men uni takror-takror eshitishga tayyor edim. Bu mening orzuim edi, men u haqda gapirib kuylardim va shu voqealar ta’sirida yashardim. Uchishni biladigan bola haqidagi fikrning o‘zidanoq qalbim quvonchga to‘lib-toshardi.

Hozirgidek yodimda: besh yoshlar atrofida bo‘lganimda, bexosdan adashib yerto‘lamizga kirib qoldim. O‘sha yerda, kir yuvish mashinasi ustida “Ivory Snow” kir yuvish kukunining katta qutisiga ko‘zim tushdi. Uning har bir donasi qor uchquni shaklida edi. Menda qoyilmaqom fikr tug‘ildi.

Din-Din xuddi Piter Pen kabi ucha olishlari uchun Vendi, Maykl va Jonning boshi ustidan sehrli zarrachalarni sochgan o‘sha sahnani men hayotda amalga oshirishim mumkin. Qanday mo‘‘jizaviy fikr! Hayrat va hayajondan titragan holda, men kukunni hovuchlab olib butun yerto‘la bo‘ylab sochishga tushdim. Hatto oradan o‘n yilliklar o‘tib ketgan bo‘lsada, qalbimda o‘sha hayratomuz quvonch yashab kelmoqda. Bu unutilmas damlar edi. Men yakunlaganimda, butun yerto‘la “qor zarralari” bilan qoplangandi.

Oradan bir necha lahza o‘tib yerto‘la eshigi ochilganini... va zinapoyadan kelayotgan qadam tovushlarini eshitdim. Bu mening onam edi! Boshqa onalar bunday paytda nima deyishlarini faqat tasavvur qilishim mumkin. Shunga o‘xshash gaplarni aytishgan bo‘lardi:

• Sen nimalar qilib qo‘yding?

• Xayoling qayoqda edi?

• Nima, hamma kukunni sochib tashladingmi?

• Hech bo‘lmasa, buning necha pul turishini bilasanmi?

• A-xa, tartibsizlikni qarang! Jahlimni chiqarib yubording!

• Shoshmay tur, tezda otang uyga kelib qoladi!...

• Hoziroq buni tozalab qo‘y!

• Yana bir marta shunday qilsang, yil bo‘yi xonangdan chiqmay o‘tirasan!

Lekin mening onam bunday gaplarni aytmadi! Onam qah-qah urib kulib yubordi, meni quchoqlab tizzasiga o‘tkazdi va bularning hammasi nima uchun yuz berganidan xabar topdi. Men unga bu Din-Dinning sehrli zarrachalari ekanini aytganimda, onam menga voqea tafsilotining hammasini bir necha marotaba qaytadan gapirib berishimga undayverdi. Biz ikkalamiz kulishdik, so‘ngra esa - xotirjam va quvnoq holda - yerto‘lani birgalikda tartibga keltirdik.

Bu voqea onam aslida meni juda sevishi, menga ona bo‘lishini yoqtirishi va men haqimda g‘amxo‘rlik qilishi haqidagi fikrlarni menda mustahkamladi. Biroq bundanda kuchliroq bir narsani tushundimki, onam  men bilan birgalikda orzu qilishga qodir, men uchun muhim bo‘lgan narsalar (barcha noqulayliklariga qaramay) uning uchun ham muhim ekan. Onam dadil orzuimni olib qo‘ymagan holda, kelajakka - samimiylik va butun qalb bilan - umid qilishim uchun ruhlantirdi.

Farzandingizning hayotida ishtirok eting

Farzandingiz bilan birgalikda orzu qiling, olamga uning ko‘zi bilan qarashni o‘rganing. Ijodiy yondashuvni ko‘rsating, doimo uning yonida bo‘lishingizni ko‘rsatishingiz uchun son-sanoqsiz imkoniyatlardan foydalaning. Agar bolaning ulg‘ayish jarayonida bunday siyosatni davomiy qo‘llasangiz, bu uning bilan balog‘at yoshi arafasida va balog‘at yoshiga yetganda ochiq muloqot qilishingiz uchun asos yaratishga yordam beradi, xususan, jinsiy aloqaga taalluqli masalalarni ko‘proq muhokama etishingizga to‘g‘ri kelganida bunday ochiq muloqotlar muhim ahamiyat kasb etishi mumkin.

Tadqiqotlarning tasdiqlashicha, “yoshlardan yuqori umidlar kutilganida, ular bunga javoban yanada konstruktiv qarorlar qabul qilishga va kelajak sari maqsadlar qo‘yishga moyil bo‘ladilar”5. Bizning vazifamiz - bolalarga barvaqt homiladorlik va ota-onalik zahmatlaridan ko‘ra, kelajakning yanada maftunkor yo‘llarini tanlashlarida yordam bermoqlikdir.

Tadqiqotlarning ko‘rsatishicha, katta umidlar bildirilayotgan va yorqin kelajagini his qiladigan yoshlar “jinsiy aloqa bilan olti baravardan kamroq shug‘ullanishadi”6.

Bolangizning orzu va umidlarini zavq-shavq bilan qo‘llab-quvvatlang. Faqat bu siz tomondan yuklangan emas, balki aynan o‘zining orzusi ekanligiga ishonch hosil qiling. Shaxsan men (Dotti) buning aksi bo‘lishiga ikki bora ishonch hosil qilganman.

O‘g‘limiz ketma-ket bir necha yil mobaynida beysbol bilan shug‘ullandi.  U qoyilmaqom o‘ynardi, mayli, bu onaning fikri bo‘lib qolsa ham! Va mana, bahor chog‘laridan birida bu yil (sakkizinchi sinfda) o‘ynamasligini bildirdi. Uni fikridan qaytarishga rosa uringanimni yaxshi eslayman! U kelgusida mahoratini yo‘qotib qo‘yishdan qo‘rqayotgandi, ya’ni hozir shu holatda o‘ynasa, yuqori sinflarga o‘tganida maydonda lozim bo‘lganidek o‘ynay olmasdi. Shon unga baribir ekanligini aytdi: u kelgusida basketbol o‘ynashga qaror qilgandi. Har qancha urinmay, u aytganida turib oldi. Bu noxush xotira, lekin men dastlab mantiqiy asoslarga murojaat qildim, bu ham ish bermagach, uning his-tuyg‘ulariga “bosim” o‘tkazishga urindim. Bu ham yordam bermadi! Siz bu men uchun nega shunchalik muhim ekanligini so‘rayapsizmi? Hammasi oddiy: men beysbolni yaxshi ko‘rardim. Men  (hattokihozirgacha !) “Red Sox” jamoasining ashaddiy muxlisiman.

Beysbolni juda yoqtiraman! Va mana, mening ishqivozligim Shon siymosida qoyilmaqom o‘ynaydigan - aynan beysbolda - o‘yinchini tasavvur qilishga meni undadi. Oxir-oqibat bu uning emas, balki mening ishtiyoqim ekanligini tushunganimdan so‘ng, taslim bo‘ldim va o‘g‘limga o‘zi yoqtiradigan sport turi bilan shug‘ullanishiga izn berdim. Va bu qarorimdan biror marta ham afsuslanmadim: Shon oilamizdagi barchaga ulkan quvonch ulashgan holda basketbol bilan nafaqat yuqori sinflarda, balki kollejda o‘qiganida ham shug‘ullanishda davom etdi.  Unga muxlislik qilib, tribunalarda o‘tkazgan soatlarimiz biz uchun eng baxtli va oilaviy yorqin xotiralar bo‘lib qoldi.

Biz axir o‘zimiz uchun nima muhim ekanligini bilamiz, to‘g‘rimi? Shuningdek, bolalarimiz ham o‘zlari uchun nima muhim ekanligini bilishadi. Biz ota-onalarga bolalarimizni o‘z orzularimiz uchun emas, balki o‘z orzulari yo‘lida ruhlantirish va qo‘llab-quvvatlash imkoni hamda sharafli huquqi berilgan.

Bolalarda kelajak haqidagi orzularini, sobitqadamlikni, izzat-nafsni va yuqori darajalarga intilish hissini rivojlantirish usullarini izlang. Kelajakning yorqin tasviri bolalarimizni mulohazakor, to‘g‘ri qarorlar qabul qilishga undaydi.

Savollar uchun ochiq va tinglashni biladigan, ishonch-e’tiqodga ega, farzandlarining do‘stlari bilan o‘rtoqlashadigan, boshqa ota-onalar bilan muloqotda bo‘ladigan va o‘z bolalari bilan vaqt o‘tkazishni orzu qiladigan ota-onalar bo‘ling. Siz imkon qadar o‘rganib, kitobimizda tasvirlangan ota-ona timsoliga o‘xshab boraversangiz, bu jinsiy aloqa borasidagi o‘gitlaringizni bolalaringiz qabul qilishiga to‘g‘ridan-to‘g‘ri ta’sir ko‘rsatadi.

Bolalaringiz bilan ushbu mavzuda gaplashish qanday kechayotganini bizga so‘zlab bering. Bizning www.josh.org saytimiz bilan tanishib o‘ting. Darvoqe, siz bunda, umid qilganimizdek, o‘zingiz uchun foydali bo‘ladigan qo‘shimcha manbalarni topasiz. Biz sizga xizmat qilishda davom etishni istaymiz. Farzandlaringiz uchun ibodat qiling, ularni to‘g‘ri tarbiyalang, Kalomda shunday deyilgan:  “Xudoning nuqsonsiz, aybsiz va pok farzandlari bo‘lishingiz uchun hamma narsani nolimay, bahslashmay qilinglar. Hayotbaxsh xabarni mahkam tutar ekansiz, o‘sha buzuq va egri nasl orasida samodagi yulduzlar kabi porlaysizlar”  (Filippiliklar  2:15).

Josh va Dotti Makdauell


Izoh
1 bob Birgina harakat bilan
1. Jadvalning birinchi beshta bandiga muvofiq: Nayeli E. Rodriguez and Number 17, NYC, “Exactly How Much Are The Times A-Changin’?,” Newsweek, July 26, 2010, p. 56; article sources: Blogpulse, Google Official History, Reality Blurred, The NPD Group, NBC, Bowker, USPS, The Radicati Group, FORBES, Nielsen, Newspaper Assoc. of America, Digital Music News, Apple, iTunes.
2. Matt McGee, “By The Numbers: Twitter Vs. Facebook Vs. Google Buzz,” SearchEngine Land, February 23, 2010, http://searchengineland.com/by-the-numbers-twitter-vs-facebook-vs-googlebuzz-36709.
3. “Internet 2010 in numbers,” Royal Pingdom, January 12, 2011, http://royal.pingdom.com/2011/01/12/internet-2010-in-numbers/.
4. “Internet 2010.”
5. Horace Dediu, “iTune app total downloads (finally) overtook song downloads,” ASYMCO, July 13, 2011, www.asymco.com/2011/07/13/itunesapp-total-downloads-finally-overtook-song-downloads/.
6. Madeeha Azam, “Internet 2010 in Numbers [Summary],” Pro Pakistani, January 27, 2011, http://propakistani.pk/2011/01/27/Internet-2010-in-numbers-summary/.
7. “That Facebook friend might be 10 years old, and other troubling news,” Consumer Reports magazine, June 2011, www.consumerreports.org/cro/magazine-archive/2011/june/electronics-computers/stateof-the-next/facebook-concerns/index.htm.
8. The Foster Letter, May 25, 2011, p. 4.
9. As reported at Wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia.
10. As reported at Wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia.
11. Mickey Alam Khan, “Internet Overtakes TV As Preferred Medium For Under-24 Crowd,” Direct Marketing News, July 25, 2003, www.dmnews.com/internet-overtakes-tv-as-preferred-medium-for-under-24-crowd/article/81588.
12. Michael D. Resnick, PhD, et al., “Protecting Adolescents from Harm: Findings from the National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health,” Journal of the American Medical Association, September 10, 1997 (vol. 278, no. 10), p. 829.
13. Family Safe Media as reported at amilysafemedia.com/pornography_statistics.html#anchor5, 2011.
14. Family Safe Media.
15. Family Safe Media.
16. Michael Leahy, Porn University: What College Students Are Really Saying About Sex on Campus (Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 2009), pp. 154–155.
17. Chiara Sabina, Janis Wolak, and David Finkelhor, “The Nature and Dynamics of Internet Pornography Exposure for Youth,” CyberPsychology & Behavior, 2008 (vol. 11, no. 6), pp. 1–2.
18. Ed Vitagliano, quoted in “Caught! Online Porn, Predators Threaten Children, Teens,” American Family Association Journal, January 2007, www.afajournal.org/2007/january/0107/caught.asp.
19. Focus on the Family Poll, October 2003; quoted in Rebecca Grace, “When Dad Falls: A Family’s Ordeal with Pornography,” Agape Press. Web. 25 Nov. 2009, www.crosswalk.com/1284103/.
20. Archdiocese of Omaha’s Anti-Pornography Task Force; as reported at www.archomaha.org/pastoral/se/pdf/PornStats.pdf, 2011.
21. Family Safe Media.
22. Patricia M. Greenfield, “Inadvertent Exposure to Pornography on the Internet: Implications of Peer-to-Peer File-Sharing Networks for Child Development and Families,” Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, Nov./Dec. 2004 (vol. 25, no. 6), pp. 741–750, Web. 4 Dec. 2009, www.centerschool.org/pko/documents/Inadvertentexposure.pdf.
4 bob. Yaqin munosabatlar doirasida jinsiy aloqa haqida qanday gapirish mumkin
1. Archdiocese of Omaha’s Anti-Pornography Task Force, www.archomaha.org/pastoral/se/pdf/PornStats.pdf, 2011.
2. The Commission on Children at Risk, Hardwired to Connect: The Scientific Case for Authoritative Communications (New York: Broadway Publications, 2003).
3. Hardwired to Connect.
4. Caroline Bedell Thomas, MD, Karen Rose Duszynski, BA, and John Whitcomb Shaffer, MSc, PhD, “Family Attitudes Reported in Youth as Potential Predictors of Cancer,” Psychosomatic Medicine, vol. 41, no. 4 (June 1979), pp. 287–302.
5. Carl Zimmer, “Friends with Benefits,” Time magazine, February 20, 2012, p. 39.
6. Caitlin Flanagan, “Why Marriage Matters,” Time magazine, July 13, 2009, p. 47.
7. “Back to School 1999 — National Survey of American Attitudes on Substance Abuse V: Teens and Their Parents,” The Luntz Research Companies and QEV Analytics, August 1999 as quoted in Lori Lessner Lori Lessner, “Dads key against drugs, study finds,” Dallas Morning News, August 31, 1999, p. 9A.
8. People Weekly, “Higher Learning: At Oxford University, Michael Jackson bares his soul and a plan to help kids,” People magazine, March 19, 2001, p. 65.
5 bob. Yaqin munosabatlar qurish uchun g‘ishtlar
1. “Ten Tips for Parents: To Help Their Children Avoid Teen Pregnancy,” The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, accessed Feb 6, 2012, http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/toTips.aspx.
6 bob. Bolangizning hatti-harakatiga kim yoki nima ta’sir qiladi?
1. “Teens Look to Parents More Than Friends for Sexual Role Models,” ScienceDaily, June 15, 2011, www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/06/110615120355.htm.
2. Jeffrey Rosenberg and W. Bradford Wilcox, “The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children,” U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2006, www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/fatherhood/fatherhood.pdf.
3. “Teens Look to Parents.”
4. David White, “Take Courage! Parents and the dreaded conversation,” Center for Parent/Youth Understanding, 2008, www.cpyu.org/Page.aspx?id=338336.
5. “Trends in Teen Sexual Behavior,” Current Thoughts and Trends online, May 2004.
6. B.M. King and J. Lorusso, “Discussions in the Home about Sex: Different Recollections by Parents and Children,” Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, vol. 23, pp. 52–60; as quoted in “Families Are Talking—Adolescents Would Prefer Parents as Primary Sexuality Educators,” SIECUS Report Supplement, http://one.center-school.org/search-document-detail.php?ID=642.
7. “Talking to Your Teen About Sexuality,” Hillsborough County University of Florida Extension, http://hillsboroughfcs.ifas.ufl.edu/FamilyPubsA-Z/sexuality.pdf.
8. Linda Klepacki, “Dear Parents: Let’s Talk About Doing,” PureInti macy.org, www.pureintimacy.org/piArticles/A000000584.cfm, citing a 2004 Focus on the Family article.
9. Mark and Grace Driscoll, “How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex,” Resurgence, accessed February 15, 2012, http://theresurgence.com/2011/02/28/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-sex.
7 bob. Bolangiz jinsiy aloqa haqida kimdan bilishni xohlaydi?
1. “How to Talk to Your Kids About Anything,” Talking With Kids About Tough Issues—a national campaign by Children Now and the Kaiser Family Foundation, http://www.talkwithkids.org/first.html.
2. B. Albert, “With One Voice 2004: America’s Adults and Teens Sound Off About Teen Pregnancy,” (Washington, DC: National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 2004); as quoted in Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and Marline Pearson, “Making a Love Connection,” The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy,” thenationalcampaign.org.
3. Hutchinson and Cooney, 1998; Kreinin et al., 2001; Somers and Surmann,
2004; as quoted in Robert Crooks and Karla Baur, “Initiating Conversations When Children Do Not Ask Questions,” The Talk Institute, www.thetalkinstitute.com/articles/initiating.html.
4. Kay S. Hymowitz, “It’s Morning After in America,” City Journal, spring 2004, www.manhattan-institute.org/cfml/printable.cfm?id=1337.
5. “Birds and Bees: Tips for Having ‘The Talk’ With Kids,” ABC News (Good Morning America, September 22, 2011), http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2011/09/22/birds-and-bees-tips-for-having-the-talk-with-kids-2/.
8 bob. Farzand bilan jinsiy aloqa haqida gaplashish nega zarur?
1. Kristin Zolten, MA, and Nicholas Long, PhD, “Talking to Children About Sex,” Center for Effective Parenting, 1997, www.parenting-ed.org/handouts/sex.pdf.
2. Robert Crooks and Karla Baur, “Initiating Conversations When Children Do Not Ask Questions,” The Talk Institute, www.thetalkinstitute.com/articles/initiating.html.
3. Maggi Ruth P. Boyer, “What to Do When They Just Won’t Talk!” Advocates
for Youth, www.advocatesforyouth.org/parents/164?task=view.
9 bob. Jinsiy aloqa haqidagi suhbatlar bolani bu borada tajriba qilib ko‘rishga undamaydimi?
1. “Myths About Sexuality Education,” Sexuality Education Resource Center Manitoba, Inc., rev. 2010, www.serc.mb.ca/content/dload/MythsAboutSexualityEducation%20/file.
2. Cheryl B. Aspy et al., Journal of Adolescence 30 (2007): pp. 449–466; as quoted in “Parental Involvement and Children’s Well-Being,” FamilyFacts.org, www.familyfacts.org/briefs/40/parental-involvement-and-childrens-well-being.
3. Karin Suesser, PhD, and Matthew Doll, PhD, “Beyond the Birds and the Bees: How To Talk With Children About Sexuality,” www.drsuesser.com/articles/talking_about_sex.pdf.
4. “Silence Breeds Babies,” Campaign For Our Children, Inc., 2008, www.cfoc.org/index.php/parent-resource-center/talking-with-your-kids-aboutsex/.
10 bob. Qaysi yoshda jinsiy aloqa haqida gaplashish “vaqti keladi”?
1. Jen Boyer, “Talking to Kids About Sex,” Balanced Living, www.balancedmag.com/2011/06/talking-to-kids-about-sex.
2. Alice Park, “Parents’ Sex Talk with Kids: Too Little, Too Late,” Time/CNN, Dec. 2007, 2009; www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1945759,00.html; emphasis (italics) added by authors.
3. Boyer.
4. Sue Simonson, “The Forgotten Years: Ones that may well be the key to Teen Pregnancy Prevention,” Without Regret, accessed February 14, 2012, www.without-regret.org/tier2/articles.html.
5. “Broaching the Birds and the Bees,” WebMD, November 26, 2001, www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/broaching-birds-bees.
6. Adapted from “How to Talk to Your Kids about Sex,” Keeping Kids Healthy, accessed 2012, www.montekids.org/kkh/topics/how-to-talk-toyour-kids-about-sex/.
7. Dr. Corey Allan, “How To Talk To Your Children About Sex,” Simple Mom, June 14, 2010, http://simplemom.net/how-to-talk-to-your-childrenabout-sex/.
11 bob. “Jiddiy suhbat” qilish kerakmi?
1. M. Raffaelli, K. Bogenschneider, and M. F. Flood, “Parent-teen Communication about Sexual Topics,” Journal of Family Issues, vol. 19, pp. 315–333.
2. Deb Koster, “Talking to Kids About Sex,” Family Fire, April 13, 2007, familyfire.com/parenting/articles/Talking-to-Kids-About-Sex.
3. “Talking with Kids: A Parent’s Guide to Sex Education,” National PTA, Chicago, IL, 2002, p. 9, accessed at http://eric.ed.gov/PDFS/ED470698.pdf.
4. “How to talk to your child about sex,” Psychologies, accessed Feb. 2, 2012, www.psychologies.co.uk/family/how-to-talk-to-your-childabout-sex/.
12 bob. Farzand bilan jinsiy aloqa haqida gaplashmasa, nima ro‘y berishi mumkin?
1. Jack Wellman, “How to Talk to Your Children about Sex? A Christian Perspective,” What Christians Want to Know, July 14, 2011, www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/how-to-talk-to-your-children-about-sex-a-christian-perspective/.
2. Jill Manning, “Why the Government Should Care about Pornography,” testimony before U.S. Senate Committee on the Judiciary, Nov. 10, 2005. Web 9, Nov. 2005, www.heritage.org/Research/Testimony/PornographysImpact-on-Marriage-amp-The-Family.
13 bob. Jinsiy aloqa mavzusi bolangizda haddan ziyod qiziqishni uyg‘otsachi?
1. National Physicians Center for Family Resources, “Sex Talk Starters,” Pureintimacy.org, www.pureintimacy.org/piArticles/A000000596.cfm.
2. Clea McNeely, MA, DrPH, and Jayne Blanchard, “The Teen Years Explained: A Guide to Healthy Adolescent Development,” Center for Adolescent Health at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, 2009.
3. McNeely and Blanchard.
4. Margaret Renkl, “The Birds and the Bees and Curious Kids,” Parenting.com, accessed Feb. 14, 2012, www.parenting.com/article/kids-and-sexuality.
15 bob. Buning uchun qancha bilim kerak?
1. Clea McNeely, MA, DrPH, and Jayne Blanchard, “The Teen Years Explained: A Guide to Healthy Adolescent Development,” Center for Adolescent Health at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, 2009.
2. Keith Ferrell, “Adolescent Sexuality: Talk the Talk Before They Walk the Walk,” Healthy Children Magazine, winter 2008, www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/pages/Adolescent-Sexuality-Talk-the-Talk-Before-They-Walk-the-Walk.aspx?nfstatus=401&nftoken=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000&nfstatusdescription=ERROR%3a+No+local+token.
3. Kristin Zolten, MA, and Nicholas Long, PhD, “Talking to Children About Sex,” Center for Effective Parenting, 1997, www.parenting-ed.org/handouts/sex.pdf.
16 bob. Balki, ayrim mavzularni har holda tushirib qoldirish ma’quldir?
1. Jerald Newberry, “When Kids Ask Tough Questions About Sex,” Advocates for Youth, 2008, www.advocatesforyouth.org/parents/176?task=view.
2. Kristin Zolten, MA, and Nicholas Long, PhD, “Talking to Children About Sex,” Center for Effective Parenting, 1997, www.parenting-ed.org/handouts/sex.pdf.
3. Jack Wellman, “How to Talk To Your Children about Sex? A Christian Perspective,” What Christians Want to Know, July 14, 2011, www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/how-to-talk-to-your-children-aboutsex-a-christian-perspective/.
17 bob. Farzand bilan jinsiy aloqa haqida qanchalik tez-tez gaplashib turish kerak?
1. “How to Talk to Your Kids About Anything,” Talking With Kids About Tough Issues—a national campaign by Children Now and the Kaiser Family Foundation, www.talkwithkids.org/first.html.
2. Margaret Renkl, “The Birds and the Bees and Curious Kids,” Parenting.com, accessed Feb. 14, 2012, www.parenting.com/article/kids-and-sexuality.
3. Steven C. Martino, PhD, Marc N. Elliott, PhD, et al., “Beyond the ‘Big Talk’: The Roles of Breadth and Repetition in Parent-Adolescent Communication About Sexual Topics,” Pediatrics, 2008, http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/121/3/e612.full.html.
18 bob. Agar men bolam bilan nuqul bitta mavzuda gaplashaversam, u meni mijg‘ov odamga chiqarib qo‘ymaydimi?
1. “Families are Talking—Teens Talk About TV, Sex, and Real Life,” SIECUS Report Supplement, http://one.center-school.org/search-document-detail.php?ID=827.
2. Linda Klepacki, “What Your Teens Need to Know About Sex,” Focus on the Family, 2005, www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/love_and_sex/purity/what_your_teens_need_to_know_about_sex.aspx.
3. Adapted from “Teachable Moments,” the “Wait for Sex” parent workshop curriculum, ReCAPP—ETR Associates’ Resource Center for Adolescent Pregnancy Prevention, 2004, www.etr.org/recapp/documents/freebies/teachablemoments.pdf.
4. Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls, “Report of the APA Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls,” American Psychological Association, 2010; www.apa.org/pi/women/programs/girls/report-full.pdf.
5. Adapted from “Families are Talking—Teens Talk About TV, Sex, and Real Life,” SIECUS Report Supplement, http://one.center-school.org/searchdocument-detail.php?ID=827.
6. Wendy L. Sellers, “Talking to Your Child about Relationships and Sexuality,” EduGuide, accessed February 15, 2012, www.eduguide.org/library/viewarticle/339.
7. “Talking to Your Teen About Sexuality,” Hillsborough County University of Florida Extension, http://hillsboroughfcs.ifas.ufl.edu/FamilyPubsA-Z/sexuality.pdf.
8. “Talking to Your Teen.”
9. “Talking to Your Teen.”
10. “Talking to Your Teen.”
11. “Talking to Your Teen.”
12. “Talking to Your Teen.”
13. Esther J. Cepeda, “Talking to Kids About Sex: Conversations Worth Having,” Seattle Times, October 9, 2011, http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/opinion/2016439742_cepada10.html.
14. Deb Roffman, “Talking to Your Kids About Sex: Deborah Roffman Offers Parents Advice,” Make it Better, www.makeitbetter.net/family/parenting/939-talking-to-your-kids-about-sex-deborah-roffmanoffers-parents-advice.
19 bob. Bolangiz nimalar bilan mashg‘ul ekanini qanchalik tez-tez kuzatib borish kerak?
1. Ushbu bo‘lim Joshua DeVrisning sharofati ila yuzaga keldi.
20 bob. Farzandingizni nazorat qilish uning shaxsiy dunyosiga bostirib kirish hisoblanadigan chegara qayerda?
1. Mary VanClay, “How to talk to your child about sex,” BabyCenter LLC., accessed Feb. 15, 2012, http://cdrcp.com/pdf/How%20to%20talk%20to%20your%20child%20about%20sex.pdf.
21 bob. Bolangizning “birinchi sevgisi”ga qanday munosabat bildirish kerak?
1. “Talking to Your Teen About Sexuality,” Hillsborough County University of Florida Extension, http://hillsboroughfcs.ifas.ufl.edu/FamilyPubsA-Z/sexuality.pdf.
2. Clea McNeely, MA, DrPH, and Jayne Blanchard, “The Teen Years Explained: A Guide to Healthy Adolescent Development,” Center for Adolescent Health at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, 2009.
3. “Talking Back,” The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 2012, www.thenationalcampaign.org/parents/talking_back.aspx.
22 bob. Farzandga jinsiy aloqa borasida qanday qoida yoki chegaralarni o‘rnatish zarur?
1. “Talking Back,” The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 2012, www.thenationalcampaign.org/parents/talking_back.aspx.
2. “Ten Tips for Parents: To Help Their Children Avoid Teen Pregnancy,” The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, accessed Feb. 6, 2012, www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/toTips.aspx.
3. Glenn T. Stanton, “The Most Effective Deterrent,” PureIntimacy.org, accessed Feb. 16, 2012, http://www.pureintimacy.org/piArticles/A000000608.cfm.
4. Eileen M. Hart, “Teens, Sex and Media,” 2002, accessed Feb. 13, 2012, http://www.frankwbaker.com/MediaLitEd.pdf.
5. “Pornography Statistics,” Covenant Eyes, www.covenanteyes.com/2010/01/06/updated-pornography-statistics/.
6. “Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance—United States, 1995, Surveillance Summaries,” Morbidity and Mortality Weekly, September 27, 1996.
7. “The Truth About Adolescent Sexuality,” Education.com, quoting the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, 2005, www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Truth_About/.
8. “How Can I Lovingly Snoop On My Teen?” Harvest USA, 2007, www.harvestusa.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=172%3Ahow-can-i-lovingly-snoop-on-my-teen&catid=15%3Acontactus&Itemid=1.
9. “How Can I Lovingly Snoop On My Teen?”
10. “How Can I Lovingly Snoop On My Teen?”
11. “Teaching Children About Healthy Sexuality,” Health and Fitness, May 2, 2011, http://www.kylegabouer.com/teaching-children-about-healthy-sex uality.html.
23 bob. O‘smirlar nikohgacha “toqat” qilishlari haqidagi fikrlar haqqoniylikka mos tushadimi?
1. Adapted from Lakita Garth, The Naked Truth: About Sex, Love and Relationships (Ventura, CA: Gospel Light, 2007), p. 135.
24 bob. Farzandni qarama-qarshi jins vakillari bilan o‘zini to‘g‘ri tutishga qanday o‘rgatish mumkin?
1. Dr. Corey Allan, “How to Talk to Your Children About Sex,” Simple Mom, June 14, 2010, http://simplemom.net/how-to-talk-to-your-childrenabout-sex.
25 bob. Ochiq mazmundagi SMS-xabarlar jo‘natilishiga qanday yondashish lozim va bu borada nimalar qilmoq kerak?
1. Al Menconi, “Responsible Text Messaging Tips,” August 18, 2011, http://almenconi.blogspot.com/2011/08/responsible-text-messaging-tips.html.
2. Menconi.
3. Menconi.
4. Sharon Jayson, “Parents, talk about sex, even if teens tune you out,” USA Today, Oct. kitobidan iqtibos. 13, 2011, www.usatoday.com/news/health/wellness/teen-ya/story/2011-10-12/Experts-Talk-sex-with-your-teen-even-if-theytune-you-out/50745740/1.
26 bob. Bolangizga jinsiy mayl bosimiga qarshilik ko‘rsatishida qanday yordam berish mumkin?
1 “Helping Teens Resist Sexual Pressure,” HealthyChildren.org, quoting American Academy of Pediatrics, “Caring for Your Teenager,” accessed February 14, 2012, www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/pages/Helping-Teens-Resist-Sexual-Pressure.aspx.
2. “Parenting—Talking to Your Teen about Sex and Oral Sex,” Dr. Phil.com, accessed Feb. 15, 2012, www.drphil.com/articles/article/51.
28 bob. Ko‘pchilik bolalar oral jinsiy aloqani - jinsiy aloqa ekanligiga ishonishmaydi.  Ularning bu yanglish fikrlarini qanday tarqatish mumkin?
1. Jim Liebelt, “Culture Snapshot of Adolescent Sex and Sexuality,” January 29, 2007, HomeWord Center for Youth and Family, www.homeword.com/culture-snapshot-adolescent-sexuality-ta-a-1161.html.
2. Liebelt.
3. 2003 yilda «Kaiser Family Foundation» (KFF) tashkiloti «Seventeen» jurnali nashriyoti bilan hamkorlikda bir qancha milliy so‘rovnomalar o‘tkazgan.
4. B. L. Halpern-Felsher et al., “Oral versus vaginal sex among adolescents: Perceptions, attitudes, and behavior,” Pediatrics, 2005 (vol. 115, no. 4), pp. 845–851. Debby Golonka, “Talking with children about sex,” Revolution Health, April 22, 2008, www.revolutionhealth.com/healthy-living/parenting/talking-with-children-about-sex.
5. Chris Wagner, “Oral Sex is Sex, and Most Teens Don’t Know it,” Center for Parent/Youth Understanding, www.cpyu.org/pageview_p.asp?pageID=18565.
6. Wagner.
7. Wagner.
8. Wagner.
9. Wagner.
10. Wagner.
11. “Parenting—Talking to Your Teen about Sex and Oral Sex,” Dr. Phil.com, accessed Feb. 15, 2012, www.drphil.com/articles/article/51.
12. Roxanne Khamsi, “Oral sex can cause throat cancer,” NewScientist, May 9, 2007, www.newscientist.com/article/dn11819-oral-sex-can-cause-throatcancer.html.
13. Julie Sharp, “Oral Sex Linked to Throat Cancer: A virus contracted through oral sex is the cause of some throat cancers, say US scientists,” BBC News, May 10, 2007, http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6639461.stm.
14. Sharp.
29 bob. Bolangizning o‘z-o‘ziga beradigan sog‘lom bahosi uni nikohgacha bo‘ladigan jinsiy aloqadan qay tarzda himoya qiladi?
1. Rob Jackson, “Teaching Children Healthy Sexuality,” Focus on the Family, 2004, www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/sexuality/teaching_children_healthy_sexuality.aspx.
2. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, Rethinking Responsibility: Reflections on Sex and Sexuality (Washington, DC: The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 2009).
3. Laura Flynn McCarthy, “Pregnancy Test,” Family Circle, February 2011, www.familycircle.com.
4. “Talking With Kids About HIV and AIDS,” Talk With Your Kids, www.talkwithyourkids.org/aids.html.
30 bob. Farzandi bilan jinsiy aloqa haqida gaplashadigan dono ota-ona bo‘lishning oltita usuli
1. “The Truth About Adolescent Sexuality,” SIECUS—the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, www.siecus.org/pubs/fact/fact0020.html.
2. Glenn T. Stanton, “The Most Effective Deterrent,” PureIntimacy.org, accessed Feb. 16, 2012, www.pureintimacy.org/piArticles/A000000608.cfm.
3. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, “Bridging the Divide: Involving the Faith Community in Teen Pregnancy Prevention,” October 10, 2007, www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/pdf/Bridging_FINAL.pdf.
4. Laura Flynn McCarthy, “Pregnancy Test,” Family Circle, February 2011, www.familycircle.com.
5. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, Rethinking Responsibility: Reflections on Sex and Sexuality (Washington, DC: The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 2009).
6. R. Lerner, “Can Abstinence Work?: An Analysis of the Best Friends Program,” Adolescent & Family Health, 2005 (vol. 3, no. 4), pp. 185–192; as quoted in The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, Rethinking Responsibility: Reflections on Sex and Sexuality (Washington, DC: The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 2009).

 


Книга на узбекском языке - Прямой разговор с подроском. Дотти и Джош Макдауэлл.



Shu bobni eshitish:


AUDIOKITOB ►
butun kitobni tinglang

Kitoblar

Qaysi kitoblarni tinglashni istaysiz?
Qaysi kitoblarni tinglashni istaysiz?

docs.google.com/forms

Xush kelibsiz!

Яхши аудио Китоблар
Audiokitoblar Uzbek tilida


Kinolar va Multiklar
Kinolar Uzbek tilida


Audiokitob - Injil Uzbek tilidagi. Yangi Ahd
Audiokitob Injil Uzbek tilidagi. Yangi Ahd


Аудио Кутубхона
Audiokitob Uzbek tilida

Telegram bot: @audio_kito_bot
Kanal: @kitoblar_elektron_uz



Sharhlar

...ҳар куни — байрамнинг биринчи кунидан охирги кунигача Худонинг Таврот китобидан ўқиб берди...

...kunidan oxirgi kunigacha Xudoning Tavrot kitobidan o‘qib berdi...
Naximiyo 8:18



Yaxshi audio kitoblarni yuklab oling uzbek tilidagi

Дарбадар ўгилнинг қайтиши (Генри Нувен)    Худо жуда яқин келди (Макс Лукадо)    Эски Аҳд аёллари ҳақида вазлар (Чарлз Спержен)    Iso bizning taqdirimiz (Vilgelm Bush)    Сиз осмонда қилолмайдиган иш (Марк Кехилл)    Дарбадар ўғил (Чарлз Спержен)    Ҳомиладорлигим кундалиги (Вера Самарина)    Иброҳимнинг оиласи: парчаланган шажарани шифолаш (Дон Мак-Керри)    Зулматдаги нур (Доктор Джеймс ва Ширли Добсон)    Митти Тиллақўнғиз ва Серқуёш ўтлоқзор аҳолиси (Майя Огородникова)    Подшоҳнинг сири  (Урусла Марк)    Яна қароқчилар қўлидами? (Урусла Марк)    Қароқчиларникидай  эмас (Марк Урусла)    Эътиқод уфқлари (Георгий Винс)    (Биродар Андрей ва Алекс Янсен) Сирли масиҳийлар    Масиҳийлик таълимоти асослари (Роберт Спраул)    Ҳаёт бўронларига бардош беринг (Пол Эстебрукс)    Абадийликка ишонаман (Николай Ерофеевич Бойко)    Ўсмир ибодатининг кучи (Сторми Омартиан) kitob Uzbek tilida    Чегарасиз хает (Ник Вуйчич) kitob Uzbek tilida    Севимли инсоннинг ҳаёти (Генри Нувен) kitob Uzbek tilida    Довюраклар (Макс Лукадо) kitob Uzbek tilida    Бирга қилинган ибодатнинг қудрати (Сторми Омартиан) kitob Uzbek tilida    Хузур халоват амрлари (Джон Макартур) kitob Uzbek tilida    Саботли инсон (Джош Макдауелл) kitob Uzbek tilida    Shijoatkor (Nik Vuychich) kitob Uzbek tilida    Мақсад Сари Йўналтирилган Ҳаёт (Рик Уоррен) kitob Uzbek tilida    Чалғитиш номли душман (Джон Мэйсон) kitob Uzbek tilida    Мафтункор Гўзаллик (Джон ва Стейси Элдридж) kitob Uzbek tilida    Севги ва ҳурмат (Эмерсон Эггерих) kitob Uzbek tilida    Ayollar... (Nensi Demoss) kitob Uzbek tilida    Хакиат асоси (Джон Стотт) kitob Uzbek tilida    ИБОДАТГЎЙ АЁЛНИНГ КУЧИ (СТОРМИ ОМАРТИАН) kitob Uzbek tilida    ТЎҒРИ ҚАРОР (Джош ва Дотти Макдауэлл) kitob Uzbek tilida    Нега? (Филип Янси) kitob Uzbek tilida    Hayotdagi yetakchilik va ijodiy salohiyat (Rik Joyner) kitob Uzbek tilida    Ishayo 53 sharxlar (Mitch Gleyzer) kitob Uzbek tilida    Xudoga qay tarzda manzur bolish mumkin (Robert Charlz Spraul) kitob Uzbek tilida    Mukaddas ruxning siri (Robert Charlz Spraul) kitob Uzbek tilida    Ota-ona ibodatining kuchi (Stormi Omartian) kitob Uzbek tilida    Muhabbat tilsimi (Djosh Makdauell) kitob Uzbek tilida    Xudoning qalbiga mos erkak (Jim Jorj) kitob Uzbek tilida    Enaga yordamga shoshadi (Mishel Larou) kitob Uzbek tilida    Bolaning nazaridagi qahramon (Djosh Makdauell) kitob Uzbek tilida    G‘alamisning xati (Klayv Steyplz Lyuis) kitob Uzbek tilida    Dolzarb Savollarga Javoblar (James Paker) kitob Uzbek tilida    kitob Uzbek tilida    kitob Uzbek tilida    kitob Uzbek tilida    Audio kitob Uzbekcha    Audio kitob Uzbekcha    Bolalar Audiokitob Uzbekcha    Bolalar kitob Uzbekcha    Audio kitob Uzbekcha    Audio kitob Uzbekcha    Audio kitob Uzbekcha    Audio kitob Uzbekcha    Audio kitob Uzbekcha    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Audiokitob Uzbek tilida    Hamdu Sanolar Uzbekcha    Hamdu Sanolar - Imon yuli. Uzbek musika



Kitobook – Kitoblar, AudioKitoblar: Инжил ва Muqaddas Kitob ва Инжил Каракалпак